Listening to understand, not to reload

Husband Rebuild · 6d ago

Many men listen the way a debater listens: scanning for the flaw so they can correct it. That is listening to reload. The other person feels it instantly, and it shuts the conversation down even when your point is fair. Listening to understand means your only job, for a few minutes, is to get what she means and let her know you got it. Not to agree, fix, or defend. Just to reflect it back accurately enough that she feels heard. Agreement can come later; being heard has to come first. Think of a recent conversation where you were reloading. What did you miss because you were busy preparing your rebuttal? Post it, and try one conversation this week where you only aim to understand. Report what felt different.